Lost
by MageOfRoses
Summary: Yami reflects on losing Yugi to the Orichalcos, and how he has committed the ultimate betrayal to his closest friend. Yaoi, Lemon, Oneshot. Please R&R.


**Lost**

_"Aibou!"_

"Aibou! No! Don't leave! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he fell to his knees.

Yami opened his eyes, sweat ran down the side of his face as he relived the horrible memory again, it wouldn't go away. The seal had taken him away, and now he felt empty. He had thought being alone meant eternity walking the labyrinth of the Millennium Puzzle, trying to find lost memories that were determined to stay lost. Now he had lost Yugi and just as easily Yugi's friends. Tea pitied him, and Joey and Tristan felt that once they got Yugi back everything would be fine again. Until then they would take out their anger on DOOM, but he knew it was anger meant for him. Even if they seemed to forgive him so easily, allowed him this one mistake he couldn't forgive himself or excuse himself.

He had gotten up and left. He couldn't take being in their presence anymore. Yami didn't even like himself, how could he? He had pushed Yugi away, ignored him, and taken the most foolish risk of all. Maybe Raphael was right, maybe he had been an evil king. How many times had he decided if the ends fit the means he would do it? He had sent others to the Shadow Realm, he had been willing to hurt, no… kill, Kaiba at Duelist Kingdom, and now he had hurt Yugi and his friends. 

_It was to protect them, to help them, to save Yugi, to keep us both from harm._ His mind tried to frantically reason, but they were weak excuses at best.

_The fault is all mine, I am a monster. How many people have to suffer because of me? _ Yami turned his face away from his reflection in the window as he hid between train compartments. He was ashamed of himself, and his heart felt torn in two. Perhaps now because he only had half of one now the part that made him remember what it was to be alive.

He punched the wall angry with himself, feeling more desolate by the second as he leaned back against the wall and slid down so he was sitting. He had committed the ultimate betrayal and tears leaked from his eyes as he bowed his head. He had been defeated and humiliated and he had done it to himself. Yami felt the pain in his knuckles and the lingering ache in his jaw where Joey had punched him.

_Not mine, Yugi's._ He realized sadly.

_I'm the wolf in sheep's clothing now more than ever._

"Gods help me, what have I done? What have I done?" Yami whispered to himself as he clutched at his chest, feeling panic well up inside him once more. The deep fear that he had lost Yugi forever, and that no matter what he did he would ruin everything he touched. That everything Raphael had said was true.

Maybe Yugi had been right not to trust him in Duelist Kingdom; maybe he had put his faith in the wrong person. More tears spilled down his cheeks, and he shuddered unable to stem the flow. He rested his forehead on his bent knee his other leg stretched out in front of him as he tried to find some sort of meaning to this mess. Except every time he tried to think only Yugi came to mind. That empty room on the opposite side of the corridor where two minds met.

He raised his head somehow finding the strength to do so; glad he was sitting and unable to see his tortured countenance in the window. Yami wiped the tears away using his sleeve, and forced himself to his feet. He couldn't save Yugi if he sat there wallowing in misery, but misery was all he could find in his cursed existence.

The memories of their time together were painfully clear. The late nights spent worrying in Battle City when they gave each other the courage to continue even when Marik seemed hell bent on destroying them, and Duelist Kingdom when Yugi had first discovered his other side. Each step taken to find out about his past, and the friends they had made. Yugi owed his happiness to the Millennium Puzzle so he had told Yami more than once, but Yugi's own character was truly to be admired in stark contrast to the pharaoh's.

_How the mighty have fallen._ He could hear his enemies taunting him already, and feel their invisible blows as they kicked him to the ground.

Yami crossed his arms, clutching himself as if he was trying cling to any lingering vestiges of Yugi's soul. His eyes were closed again, and he was opening the door to Yugi's side. The bright colors were dimmed, and the toys had a thin layer of dust already. It was usually warm and full of life, but it was cold and barren now. Yami touched the wall, splaying his fingers and laying his palm flat. He leaned against it unable to go any further into the room as the memories washed over him. There had been a lot of firsts in their short time together. Of course Yami couldn't remember much so he wasn't sure how many of his firsts were really firsts, but this life was far different from his old one he assumed.

He had kept making excuses to escape from endless stairs and doors that led no where. Yugi had intrigued him from the beginning. After all, no one else in 5000 years had managed to solve the Millennium Puzzle, and he had never experienced such innocence. At least Yugi continued to surprise him with his kind but shy demeanor. It seemed novel to him though of course he could not explain why. He remembered one night they had been discussing some of the finer points of dueling, and they were each leaned over studying the cards Yami had lain out. Yugi had leaned over and brushed his lips against the pharaoh's cheek so softly he thought it was an accident or perhaps he had imagined it. He had looked up to find Yugi watching him nervously as if Yami would scorn him, Yugi finding it hard to get past Yami's stoicism and see beneath.

He had smiled that ghost of a smile and took Yugi's hand in his, and then he had pulled Yugi to him in a sudden jerk, startling Yugi.

"Did you think I didn't care about you aibou?" he had asked, and he slowly pressed his lips against Yugi's.

He had been hesitant at first, but then he had relented. They had lingered for a long while after that first night, and they had begun confiding completely in each other after that night. One could say that their growing love for one another wasn't anything as they were sharing the same body and one mind, and that it wasn't really real. To them it had been the most real thing there was. They didn't push one another they just came together like it was meant to be, and for a while they thought it had been meant to be. Yami had set them up a spot over on his side of their mind not wanting to take away that feeling of innocence from Yugi or his side of their shared mind at least. Even though with everything they had been through by that point he had become more aware of the faults of the world, and the short-comings of others. What real pain was as he nearly lost friends and battled enemies, Yami's enemies.

They had been lying together one night, and Yami had one arm circled protectively around Yugi comforted by each other's presence and exhausted from the day and other activities. Neither was asleep as they each had a lot on their mind(s). Battle City had come to an end.

"When you find out who you are you'll have to leave won't you," it wasn't really a question.

Yami sighed, and Yugi felt his breath rush over his shoulder.

"I can't stay forever."

Yugi rolled over and there was an unbelievable amount of sadness in his eyes, "but why…"

"Aibou," Yami cut him off, his tone admonishing, they had been over this ground before.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me," Yugi insisted, and his desperate look broke Yami's heart.

"That's not true aibou; you have always had courage and honor. I just helped you discover it."

Yugi frowned; he was always so self-deprecating as if it would make things any easier.

"Just don't worry about it," Yami whispered into his ear, and his tongue traced the outer curve of Yugi's ear, and little nips followed down Yugi's side.

The pharaoh's aim was to distract, and of course he did. They were tired, but it wasn't any less special to them. Yami pumped slowly in and out as Yugi moaned beneath him, increasing his pace excruciatingly slowly at first only brushing that bundle of nerves sent spasms up and down Yugi's body as he moaned his name and begged for more.

"Are you sure you want it?" Yami asked softly as he smirked, trailing his tongue down Yugi's body, pausing to bite softly, not wanting to harm Yugi.

Yugi moaned, "C'mon Yami, don't play games with me," he begged, Yami liked it when he begged.

"But I'm the Game King," Yami argued, between nips as he continued to tease.

"Ya-amii," Yugi clutched at the blankets beneath him.

"Aibou," Yami teased more, and aimed right for the bundle of nerves Yugi crying out beneath him as he also ran his hand up and down Yugi's length.

It only took a few more thrusts before they both came. Yami gasped his eyes squeezed closed as he recovered, bowed over Yugi who was breathing heavily as well. He slowly slid out of Yugi who seemed exhausted and already nodding off; however, he snuggled up to Yami.

"I love you," he whispered, and the pharaoh smiled sadly.

_Until I have to leave you, aibou…_he thought, a serious expression encompassing his face as he looked down at Yugi.

The former pharaoh sighed and put an arm under his head as he drifted off to sleep his mind spinning with thoughts. 

Yami came back to himself on the train, fighting back anguished tears once more.

_He trusted me, and I failed him. I should have protected him._ He had proved himself to be no better than Pegasus, or the spirit of the ring, or Marik's dark side. His selfishness had taken Yugi away from him. Selfless and brave Yugi, a better person than he could ever be.

_Monster. Evil King. Monster. Betrayer._ Those words and more bounced around in his head.

Yami turned and headed back into the train car, trying to outrun the accusations ringing in his mind. He found the others almost immediately, and realized with a chill that the full train of people had suddenly vanished. They all looked at each other, and each feared and knew it was the worst.


End file.
